Friday, September 30, 2005

Streak Breaker

For an Irish win
This hot guy needs to hook up
before game. Takers?

More Boiler Submission

Having passed into Friday afternoon, the pace of submission is picking up.

It is a good bet
That Brady will pull a train
After the fourth win.

- Baltimore Dan

Jeff was Irish fan
Now he's Boilermaker man
What a big shit can

- The Cleveland Steamer

Note to Joe Tiller:
Stop selling my grandmother
Your damn insurance.

- Anon.

The Lady in Black,
Silver Twins and Gold Dusters:
Hookers on parade.

- Anon.

A little creepy,
A whole lotta sad. Stop by
Purdue Band Fan's page.

- Harold Faltermeyer

Shiny Objects

Best way to distract
Purdue players and fans? Show
them shiny objects.

Purdue Haiku Circa 2004

Boilermaker U
Nothing but a bunch of hoes
Seeking a Tiller

I'd pay a dollar
To jump through the big dumb drum.
Golden Girls are hot.

The Cleveland Steamer Weighs In

Here are two fresh ones from Ralph the Cleveland Steamer:

I hate black and gold
Running it up last season
Revenge will be sweet

Coach Tiller is fat
Charlie Weis not much better
Role models for me

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Fortune Cookies by DT

Confucious says, when
In pile after gang tackle,
Squeeze opponent's balls.

Confucious says: Team
must focus on beat down. Not
wise look past Purdue.

PU...what smells??

Purdue Pete will seek
comfort from blow-up doll when
Irish crush Purdue.

Friday, September 23, 2005


From Geist:

Slacker who did not
Post until the Husky game
I was 0 and 3

Huskies have as much
Chance to beat Irish as to
Win Iditarod

Tyrone Willingham
Will earn the Huskies' sixth L
Against the Irish

Arf bow wow ruf ruf
Means "Coach Ty will not change fate"
Irish get third win

West coast offense is
Not enough to beat BQ
To D-Walk touchdown

Philisophical Differences

From Wilmer:

Ty and CW: A comparison of their powerful conclusions to their pregame speeches:

“Perhaps, if it be
Within your grasp, you can win.”
“go win the damn game.”


“Alright guys, put the
Port-a-potTY over there…
During games, I poop.”


Thursday, September 22, 2005

What do you mean I just don't fit?

What could be worse than
Martha Stewart's "Apprentice"?
Willingham's Huskies?

Win two, lose the next.
Then sign three recruits that week.
Only at N.D.

Back when I grew up
Huskies were jeans, not a team.
I was a fat kid.


"I'll let the pubic
question that all the time," Ty
said. TYpo?? Boner?

Husky Haiku

Weak showing of Haiku this week... until DT stepped up to the plate this morning:

Husky players will
Never improve until Ty's
Fired in three years.

Ty, the "molder of
men," can't teach jack shit about
how to play, okay?

Tyrone will have front
Row seats as his former team
Embarrasses him.

Tyrone's "never had
a bad day"... well, there's a first
time for everything.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Thrown Down from the Jersey Guy

After ND wins,
"Bow to your sensei!" says Weis
To coach John L. Smith.

Coach Smith calls Brady
"Quinn the Eskimo." Dipshit's
Gonna regret it.

Mock ND mystique?
Advice to State: Ninety-three
FSU. 'Nuff said.

Notre Dame Dynamite

What plays will you run,
Charlie? "Whatever I feel
like. Gosh! Idiot!"

More Gameday Haiku For Sparty

Jersey out in force
Irish are nasty again
Love the Garden State!

- #83, Essex County Champion

spartan: (adjective)
Courageous in the face of

- Hike-oo

Coach survived stomach
surgery. ND survived
Bob Davie and Ty.

- Hike-oo

Putt demands haikus
But what is Putt hankerin'?
A State spankerin'.

- Beavis

Off field incident:
Teague suspended. (except for
games against N.D).

- Haiku Ninja

Dear Abby This Is Not.

Timeless, sage advice:
"If you can't go to college
go to State." How true.

Thursday, September 15, 2005


Spartans? Are they not
The ones who blow each other
Prior to battles?

- Anon.

Smith’s answer to Weis
Will blow harder than G.Dub’s
Katrina response

- Ray Nagin

Ty's old team will beat
Ty's old school, then next week his
new team. Sorry Ty.

- Hike-oo

I Love the 80s

Leave it to a PLS major with a Law degree to come up with haiku with inspiration from 80s hit movies:

Explanation for
Henne's bad game: His dick caught
in vacuum cleaner
-Teen Wolf

Stanton's like Ivan
Drago: a man, not machine.
Time to make him bleed.
-Rocky V

Charlie Weis to team:
Sparty is the enemy,
Deserves no mercy.
-Karate Kid

Weis: "I feel the need"...
Shelton: "The need for speed. I'll
Give State a flyby."
-Top Gun

Weis to Smith after
State's ass-kicking: "Make like a
Tree - get out of here."
-Back to the Future

2 Days and Counting...

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Spartans Suck

Some Haiku from the week leading up to ND v. MSU last year:

First five syllables
Then seven syllables more
Spartans still suck ass
I gotta have more
cowbell -- go irish -- baby
I need more cowbell
Where is East Lansing?
Is it just East of Lansing?
Or right near Sucks-ville?

outdoor tailgater
beer, chips, smiles, merriment
bad spartans must die

Monday, September 12, 2005

scUM/dUMb Fans

Michigan recruits
hit with bottles by classless
fans. Play for ND!!

Friday, September 09, 2005

Picture this: Lloyd Carr
with no shirt jogging. Fleshy
man boobs bouncing. Eek!

Thursday, September 08, 2005

scUM, anyone?

"Lloyd", Dumb and Dumber
Drivin' that goofy dog van
and coachin' UM.

- Wilmer

This win this weekend
Will propel ND back to
A top 10 ranking.

- Victor the Love Constrictor

scUM or just plain dUMb?
Hey - I've met Michigan fans.
I'll go with "a-holes".

- Anon.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Someone Needs More to Do at Work...

Yet another inspiring round of Haiku authored by DT.

Unsurprising fact
Wolverines are part of the
Weasel family

Manboobs cries afoul
Screaming at Zbikowski
"Hands off my Breaston!"

Butt-ugly helmets
And they don't even have their
Own TV network

Don't tell anyone
But I saw Jason Avant
Humping the mascot

"Big House" is pretty
Cool when 100,000
People are quiet

Dink here, dunk there and
Lo and behold, Charlie and
Brady just beat you

Remember the old
days when folks wore bell bottoms
and liked Michigan?

One time at band camp
I took a piccolo and
shoved it up Pit's ass

An Old Classic

All you need to say:
Hail to the motherf**kers
a**holes of the world

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Michigan - Beat the Rush - Haiku Early

There's nothing quite like Michigan week. No doubt you are all making your way through the post Pitt hangover, but it's time to get off your duffs and get back to work. This most celebrated rivalry warrants some grade A haiku. As an incentive, kputty will award the Golden Wolverine prize at the MSU tailgate to the author of this week's best haiku.

Some submitted so far:

Walker - great debut.
Sequel should kick more ass than
"The Empire Strikes Back."

Best endow'd in sports:
Phil "Jigglies" Mickleson or
Three Loss "Tig Bits" Carr?

Huh. I always thought
"Henne" was another name
for mens' genitals.

Hart reminds me of
that TV show "Hart to Hart"
The diff'rence: he sucks.

Sunday, September 04, 2005


The Irish win BIG.
My feelings are best express'd
Through the art of dance.

Friday, September 02, 2005

Three Rivers Run Through It

From Donarksi:

Alleghany Ohio
Pitt fans tears will fill.

Trend Setting

Although this blog is new, our ongoing Notre Dame Football Haiku slam has been going on for years. And, since there is truly nothing new under the sun, I tip my hat to the original inspiration for this particular application of the ancient art form, one particular editor of the Fifer back in the early 1990's. Mr Mayernik, thank you.

It appears that ESPN has caught on to the rage that is Notre Dame Football Haiku. Although there's a (perhaps deserved) dig at our beloved Irish, the article is well worth the read.

Master and Apprentice

On his first day of attempting Haiku, Treacy (the one with the beer gut) finds a way throw down a few good ones.

Man named Ndukwe
Will deliver mad hits on
Unsuspecting boys

Fighting Irish not
politically correct
but who the fuck cares?

Hard to work Friday
when Irish play Saturday
and hope has returned

Under Armour says
"We must protect this house". . . but
Pitt not listening

Tyler Palko will
Sleep with the fishes due to
Charlie's mafia

Darius Walker
Will take his first steps at Heinz
Toward Heisman hype

I cannot stop this
prolific outpouring of
average haikus

Haiku be Flyin'

I have borne witness to some outstanding Haiku this morning, both submitted via email and posted as comments to this site. Here are some of the latest email submissions.

Bedonk wrote:

Hon' blew he 4 jive
Won 2 she sore my sex Hebb'n
Once tice fee fo fun

I still don't know what this means, but I like it.

Ez-E penned:

First football Friday.
I can taste the Rocket Cokes
Now…We-Is ND.

No more excuses.
No more Mr. Nice Guy. Mad

Crush on Charlie Weis!

A chick with a Weis fetish. I wonder if you can find pictures on the internet...

Treacy submitted:

If Brady Quinn
can deliver a victory
he'll get much poon-tang

Coach Dave Wannestedt
Couldn't beat Charlie with Fins
No change with Panthers

Lot of truth to the first one, but I seem to recall the Pats losing to the fins last December. Take it easy on Treacy though - you can't expect much from a band guy.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

48 Hours... waiting and giving advice

A ripening pregancy
My water just broke.

* * *

A manners pointer:
Don't chew with your mouth open
During tailgating.